80-Year Olds Need Intimacy, Too
07/07/10
Recently I attended an industry networking meeting with others who have different businesses in the area of senior care. We usually have speakers on various subject, but this particular day was someone who an out of the ordinary speaker for this group. She spoke on the subject of redefining and invigorating sexuality, intimacy and relationships and midlife and beyond. Though she spoke about those at the age of 50+, because the group was mainly in the area of senior care, her discussion was geared to those even older. I have to say, my mouth was open in disbelief through much of the session, and at the same time, I learned quite a bit about sexuality and the elderly, including those who reside in retirement and long-term care facilities.
This subject is both intriguing and important to be educated on since it either affects you or a loved one. The name of this speaker is Katherine Forsythe and has a website at www.getasecondwind.com. I invited Katherine to come as a guest on “The Aging Boomers” radio show on KSVY 91.3 this Monday, July 12th. The show begins at 2pm and can also be listened to live on the website www.ksvy.com. So if you have any friends or relatives interested in listening in, have them just go online. Just to give you a preview, below is a recent article Katherine wrote from her website...
So easy to forget about the unseen people in our busy lives. I spent yesterday afternoon with a wise, forward-thinking social services supervisor, Jennifer Sinnott, MSW, at Eastern Park Apartments, a division of Northern California Presbyterian Homes and Services (NCPHS) who “gets” the life cycle of sexuality – and that the need never dies. Clap! Clap! Clap! for her – (and her counterpart at The Sequoias, Adi Tzur), and their peers who care deeply that the residents are allowed to get all of their needs met. We’re putting together a lively program for the residents, all of whom live independently. It’s all about, yes, sex, intimacy, and relationships – mostly redefining how they enjoy their sexual selves late in life. Average age is 80. Population, mostly Russian, Chinese. Fill in the rest with various nationalities. Grandpa and Grandma of all flavors still crave intimacy. These folks will be treated to a workshop that will re-open their lives.
Our conversation took a serious turn when we talked about the eventual splitting up of these lifetime partners when one becomes beyond home care.
The nursing home, or extended care, or total care … whatever your nomenclature. Sterile, gentle, quiet. What if you want to be intimate – either with a partner or by yourself? We are not necessarily talking about intercourse, here. In fact, sex may have been redefined to include, fondling, or just plain cuddling.
So, you want be sexual with your partner when he/she visits. Think about it. A lifetime together, then at the end, your precious intimacy – the bond that holds you together – is challenged. Many facilities stand aghast at senior folks being sexual. Cuddling is cute. Anything else is not. Arguments include: it upsets the staff (whose issue is that?); it upsets the other residents (jealous?); it upsets the patient (did anyone ask him/her?). In any case, in my opinion, its inexcusable on any level that partners, whether new or lifetime, are not given intimacy time. Just close the door if you don’t want to know about it. Give them a separate room for a few hours. It could be the gift that keeps them living!
Back to our insightful social worker. She is encouraging the idea of an inservice for all of the staff, for training on how to handle and honor sexuality. How about that? I have done many of these staff inservices, but mostly at my suggestion. She brought it up. How lucky those residents are to have her at the helm. We need more of her! Clap! Clap! Clap!
Hope you’ll listen in this Monday at 2pm!
Frank M. Samson is Founder of Senior Care Authority based in Sonoma and also hosts “The Aging Boomers” on KSVY 91.3 or www.ksvy.com, every Monday at 2pm. The company provides free assistance to families in helping them find In-Home Care, Independent and Assisted Living for their loved ones. He can be reached at 707.939.8744 or e-mailed at frank@seniorcareauthority.com. The company website is www.seniorcareauthority.com.
